Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
