I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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