Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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