can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
BRING THE BAGELS
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
