you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
