i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
