I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
