Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
