3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Pappa wants mamma naked
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
