I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
