New invention idea: vibrating tampons
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I want to be your penis for a week.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
