I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
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