i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
