so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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