how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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