Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
