Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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