I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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