Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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