Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
