Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
