you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
