After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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