Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
