the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
