I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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