Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
