dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
