I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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