Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
