i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
