thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
