Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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