even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
