Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Randomize
