did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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