I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
