I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
