You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
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If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
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I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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