I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
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I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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