I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
