So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
