i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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