My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
