College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
