Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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