It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
