my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
