My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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