We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
