She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
