u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
