I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Well I just put wine in my tea
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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