You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You need Xanax blowdarts
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
