You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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