Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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