so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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