3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
