My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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