Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
high people should be assigned attendants
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
