I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Randomize
