We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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