So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Randomize
