Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.