so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Drake has all the answers
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize