trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!