I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid