she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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