there's paper in my vomit.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode