Nicole vs. Life
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
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By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
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If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure