We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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