i barfeds in our rink
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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