Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
