You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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