I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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