i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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