Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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