whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
