Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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