Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
