At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
