i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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