I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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