AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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