I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
