i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
