is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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