im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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