what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
